Hi, Shannon.
Um….hellooooo….?
Do want to hang out with me? We used to be such good friends!
Really? I’m sorry, and I hate to be rude, but I don’t really recognize you….
Isn’t it obvious? My lenient and comforting demeanor doesn’t give it away?
Nope.
Would it help if I mentioned that I…”got around,” if you know what I mean (*wink wink*)
Ew. I think I know what you’re saying - but I wish I didn’t.
Perhaps this giant red button that I’m wearing helps? It was given to me by the kind folks at Staples as a gift for lending them my name.
No, no. I get it. I remember, I remember. You’re “Easy”. I thought I broke things off with you a while ago….
That’s right…but, so much time has passed, surely you remember the good times. Besides, everyone likes it over here.
Who’s “everyone”? The people over there? Gosh, they are a lot softer than I remember…
But look at how carefree they are! They are having a grand old time, not a care in the world! Life’s great when you hang with me!
They look a little, er, lazy to me.
Well, sure we sometimes hang out with Lazy. You remember good old Lazy? He’s great to have around on a hot afternoon. We’re really in no rush over here.
I’m sure. Look, I appreciate your offer, but I roll with “Industrious” now so, I think I’ll stick just with him.
Industrious? Why would you want to hang with him? Things are SO much harder with Industrious! He does things all day with “Challenging” and “Motivating”.
Yeah, I know.
But he makes you sweat! It’s not a good look for you bangs when they are all sweaty. Besides, you always have to be on your toes with him! Don’t you just want to lay back and kick it with me? I’ll let you in on a secret…we have Margarita’s over here….
I do love Margarita’s….but no…no. I’m good with Industrious.
We also have pizza and ice cream. If I remember correctly, you are partial to those.
Oh you bet I am! But, Industrious would give me that look; you know, the one your parents gave you when they were disappointed with you. And, I just couldn’t do that to him. It would be bad.
You know, Shannon, I am about to give up on you. You are ruining my mellow vibe.
That’s cool. I was about to hop into a workout with Kicks-Some-Ass anyway. Have you met Kicks-Some-Ass? I think that’s his Native American name….
Sounds grueling to me! If you were with me, your heart rate wouldn’t even elevate.
I know. That’s part of the problem. I didn’t fit my clothes when I was with you.
But look! We all have matching sweats now! Nice and stretchy…they are all purpose! Look, we even got it embroidered with “Easy” across the butt. Niiice, huh?
Ummm….I really don’t think that’s a good idea. On so many levels…..
OK, they’re gone! See? EASY! What about this…this is a nice floral print Miu Miu. They’ve been around for decades! A classic look! Nice and roomy….
Look, you’re REALLY not helping yourself here. It’s not going to work. I thought about it and I was really unhappy with you, Easy. I mean, we had a great run, and sure, there are sometimes when I wish I could sleep in, eat burgers and fries for every meal and watch 12-hour marathon’s of Project Runway, but don’t you remember when I came crying to you when I had to go buy a new pair of jeans because my other ones were too tight?
You looked great in the new jeans! You can’t help that the dryer shrunk your old ones!
The dryer didn’t shrink my jeans! You made my butt grow out of them!
You always looked good to me, baby! Who’s feeding you nonsense over there?
No one. Challenging and I have had really long talks together. It’s been great, honest communication. He doesn’t just tell me what I want to hear.
Whatever you say. Look, this is taking way too much of my time and there is a teenager that needs me to point them in the direction of Cliff’s Notes. Can you believe his teacher actually wants him to READ Crime and Punishment? I’m telling you, the things schools ask for these days… So I’m gonna go. But, if you ever want to meet up again, just ditch those folks you hang with and I’ll find you…you don’t need to worry your little head about finding me!
I think this is good-bye, Easy. Life without you is just, more rewarding. So, bye! Don’t let the door hit you on the way out!
Um….hellooooo….?
Do want to hang out with me? We used to be such good friends!
Really? I’m sorry, and I hate to be rude, but I don’t really recognize you….
Isn’t it obvious? My lenient and comforting demeanor doesn’t give it away?
Nope.
Would it help if I mentioned that I…”got around,” if you know what I mean (*wink wink*)
Ew. I think I know what you’re saying - but I wish I didn’t.
Perhaps this giant red button that I’m wearing helps? It was given to me by the kind folks at Staples as a gift for lending them my name.
No, no. I get it. I remember, I remember. You’re “Easy”. I thought I broke things off with you a while ago….
That’s right…but, so much time has passed, surely you remember the good times. Besides, everyone likes it over here.
Who’s “everyone”? The people over there? Gosh, they are a lot softer than I remember…
But look at how carefree they are! They are having a grand old time, not a care in the world! Life’s great when you hang with me!
They look a little, er, lazy to me.
Well, sure we sometimes hang out with Lazy. You remember good old Lazy? He’s great to have around on a hot afternoon. We’re really in no rush over here.
I’m sure. Look, I appreciate your offer, but I roll with “Industrious” now so, I think I’ll stick just with him.
Industrious? Why would you want to hang with him? Things are SO much harder with Industrious! He does things all day with “Challenging” and “Motivating”.
Yeah, I know.
But he makes you sweat! It’s not a good look for you bangs when they are all sweaty. Besides, you always have to be on your toes with him! Don’t you just want to lay back and kick it with me? I’ll let you in on a secret…we have Margarita’s over here….
I do love Margarita’s….but no…no. I’m good with Industrious.
We also have pizza and ice cream. If I remember correctly, you are partial to those.
Oh you bet I am! But, Industrious would give me that look; you know, the one your parents gave you when they were disappointed with you. And, I just couldn’t do that to him. It would be bad.
You know, Shannon, I am about to give up on you. You are ruining my mellow vibe.
That’s cool. I was about to hop into a workout with Kicks-Some-Ass anyway. Have you met Kicks-Some-Ass? I think that’s his Native American name….
Sounds grueling to me! If you were with me, your heart rate wouldn’t even elevate.
I know. That’s part of the problem. I didn’t fit my clothes when I was with you.
But look! We all have matching sweats now! Nice and stretchy…they are all purpose! Look, we even got it embroidered with “Easy” across the butt. Niiice, huh?
Ummm….I really don’t think that’s a good idea. On so many levels…..
OK, they’re gone! See? EASY! What about this…this is a nice floral print Miu Miu. They’ve been around for decades! A classic look! Nice and roomy….
Look, you’re REALLY not helping yourself here. It’s not going to work. I thought about it and I was really unhappy with you, Easy. I mean, we had a great run, and sure, there are sometimes when I wish I could sleep in, eat burgers and fries for every meal and watch 12-hour marathon’s of Project Runway, but don’t you remember when I came crying to you when I had to go buy a new pair of jeans because my other ones were too tight?
You looked great in the new jeans! You can’t help that the dryer shrunk your old ones!
The dryer didn’t shrink my jeans! You made my butt grow out of them!
You always looked good to me, baby! Who’s feeding you nonsense over there?
No one. Challenging and I have had really long talks together. It’s been great, honest communication. He doesn’t just tell me what I want to hear.
Whatever you say. Look, this is taking way too much of my time and there is a teenager that needs me to point them in the direction of Cliff’s Notes. Can you believe his teacher actually wants him to READ Crime and Punishment? I’m telling you, the things schools ask for these days… So I’m gonna go. But, if you ever want to meet up again, just ditch those folks you hang with and I’ll find you…you don’t need to worry your little head about finding me!
I think this is good-bye, Easy. Life without you is just, more rewarding. So, bye! Don’t let the door hit you on the way out!
Genius.
ReplyDelete