And Now...A Pause For Reflection....

The I Am CF Challenge is about to come to an end. The challenge and everything that came with it (this blog, level of commitment, level of intensity, etc) was “just for two months”. Two months of serious dedication and then, “we’ll see”.

And just when I felt like I was starting to hit my stride, it’s over. Well, almost over. For the past few days, I’ve been thinking about the last 8 weeks and thinking about (bum, bum, BUM *scary music*) this coming Saturday.

They say that you can’t know where you are going without knowing where you’ve been…so let’s travel back a bit, shall we?

I’ve always pushed myself to work out hard and watch my diet. When you couple that with the fact that I was a collegiate athlete, (which for some reason seems to mean something) I had gotten this air about me that I was in some way physically “better” than other people. Sure, I wasn’t the skinniest or the most toned, but I worked hard dagnammit, and I knew that I was in shape; I was just “bulky”.

Oh, the lies we tell ourselves!

Truthfully, I wasn’t happy with how I looked at all. I would work out harder, eat less, and….no change. So I would get pissed off, workout HARDER, eat LESS and….nothing. I spent the majority of the past few years frustrated, and that’s no way to live your life.

Enter CrossFit.

On the day of the Challenge’s benchmark workout I did not want to be weighed, I did not want to be measured, I did not want my fat pinched, and I did not want my photo taken. I knew I wouldn’t be happy with any number that I heard or any photo that I saw so I put my fingers in my ears, slammed my eyes shut and sang “La, la, la! I can’t hear you! La, la, la!” (Figuratively, of course. It would have just been awkward if I actually did that!) Ignorance is bliss, after all.

For the past seven weeks I have really pushed myself. I’ve followed the Zone diet, done the prescribed workout on my own twice a week, added in extra workouts here and there, became an Advocare Junkie…

(CrossFit, Advocare, Zone, Sleep, Repeat (hmmmm....there’s a T-Shirt if I’ve ever seen one….))

So now we are a few days out from the big finale and I am certain about a few things:

1. I think I did everything I could possibly do.
   
   Lance would say “jump” and I’d, well, honestly I’d make a grimace, mutter something unladylike under my breath and then do the best darn jump I could do. I measured all of my food, I lived, breathed and calculated the time of day by my Advocare supplements and I drink more water during the day than anyone I know.
   
   (Seriously, the bathroom and I are great friends. I think my company is just about ready to offer me the bathroom as an office space, since I spend a majority of my day wearing out the carpet between there and my desk.)
   
   I digress. Moving on!
   
2. CrossFit is really, truly, genuinely, humbling. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not like I started out as an arrogant bastard (I hope), but I did come into this thinking “I work out, I’ve got an athletic background, I’ll rock at CrossFit!”
   
   There isn’t a CrossFit workout that goes by that I don’t think, “I could have done that better or faster.” And I love that. I think I was too complacent in my workouts before, it’s no wonder I’d gotten softer than the Pillsbury Dough Boy on a hot day!
3. I *heart* (and am completely addicted to) CrossFit.
   
   My workout buddy, Heather, just peer pressured me into signing up for the Platinum package. I resisted for about...mmmm...2 seconds.
   
   A side note: Anyone with the ability to time travel should go back in time and listen in on our phone call while we tried to figure out the math (damn you Math!! fist shaking at the sky) I know math is literally a four letter word, but to me it is also a four letter word if you know what I’m saying…..
   
   When I get tired, I am sure that I’ll blame Heather (sorry Heather!), but I wouldn’t have done it if I didn’t sort of want to in the first place.
   
   That’s the problem with CrossFit being my Crack…you always want a little bit more!
4. I think I’ll keep up this blog. It was initially meant to only be for the challenge – but there is so much I’ve yet to accomplish. Let’s keep blogging
   
   (Besides, I think two people read this blog and I wouldn’t want to disappoint either of you!)

And as wonderful as all of those things are, I am a little bit nervous about Saturday. Here’s why:

1. Honestly, I don’t think I look that different. I don’t really notice clothes fitting differently; I don’t look at myself and think “Daaaaammmnn….I look goooooooooood!” (because that’s totally how I would say it). So I am worried that I’ll get there and the number on the scale won’t have budged, the tape measure won’t have gotten any tighter, and the fat pinchers will still have a whole big lump o’ fat to pinch…basically everything will stay the same.
   
   I don’t mind working hard. But if this whole venture was just me digging a hole in water…I know I’ll be upset.
   
2. I want to go faster than I did on the original benchmark…but Lance told me I have to the prescribed weight (that’s heavy, Lance!) and I am not certain about my pull-ups…they are sorta sometimes there but I don’t think I’ve mastered them yet.
   
3. Today’s workout was rough! I felt every push-up, every sit-up, the run hurt, and my body was fighting me the whole time. Doesn’t bode well for Saturday…..
   
   I guess I only have a few days to see if there is any merit to my concerns. Either way though, I am really glad I did the challenge. I feel better about myself, and if I’m going to wake up at the crack of dawn every day going “Whhhhhhhyyyyyyyyyy?!!?” There isn’t anywhere else I’d rather go (except back to sleep, of course, but that could have gone without saying)
   
   So good luck to everyone on Saturday! I’ll be the nervous Nelly in group 1. If you are in group 2, you’ll recognize me as the one passed out in the middle of the floor.